Simone Biles May Finally Help Fix A Broken Sport
Perhaps Simone Biles’ greatest accomplishment will be the fact that she ripped away the curtain hiding the ugly side of competitive sports, especially gymnastics. The grueling world of elite gymnastics has been pretty well documented. What many people may not realize is that the attitudes and coaching methods that prevailed in the sport until recently have most certainly trickled down to neighborhood gyms in Anytown, USA.
I wish Ms. Biles well and I trust that she, along with her family and her doctors will know what is the best path for her going forward to insure her future mental and physical health. Watching this happen on TV and then reading the many, many posts and articles about it has reminded me of some things I unfortunately ignored when my own child was doing competitive gymnastics. When she quit earlier this year, she was practicing 20 hours a week. One day she told me, “It’s just not as fun anymore because my body hurts all the time.” It was clear that it was time to quit and I told her I supported that decision. Then, I went into my room and cried.
You see, I enjoyed every minute of watching her do gymnastics. It was her sport and her life, but it was a big part of our family life for years. We spent hours at the gym and traveled all over, from AZ to FL with the families. It wasn’t just a team that she was on. We were part of a family. A big part of the problem is parents know their daughters love this sport and it can be very hard to see the negatives when they seem so happy about being on the team. They love being at the gym. The love seeing their friends and these friends are there for them, in the good times and bad. No question, there are a lot of hard times when you are a competitive gymnast. You practice all the time and still can’t get a skill that you need to move up to the next level. You do your routines perfectly in the gym, day after day, but somehow when you compete, nerves get the best of you and you don’t get the scores that you know you’re capable of. Those things are pretty typical of many competitive sports for sure.
You hear that the coaches are so great, that they really push the girls and how gymnastics is just such a tough sport. There seems to be an unwillingness to question some of the things that go on. One time when I brought up a few of the comments that I heard, I was told that ‘kids need to learn how to work with all kinds of personalities.’ How could I argue with that? There seems to be an unwritten rule that you cannot question the coaching methods, even when it seems to be having a bad effect on the kids. And, if your kid can’t handle it, perhaps gets upset or cries, then the judgment falls squarely on them. They have to be able to handle this because as we know . . . gymnastics is such a tough sport.
I was one of ‘those parents’ who often stayed and watched practices, even when they were a few hours. I wanted to make sure I knew what was going on. During that time, here are some of the comments I heard.
- I know this sounds bad to say, but that bars routine was disgusting.
- You are not a good dancer.
- None of you guys had a good meet.
- I don’t know why you’re wearing that boot, it isn’t going to help anything.
I also saw people falling and not getting up while practice went on and nobody checking on them. Once a girl split the beam. While the parents watching all gasped, the coach started laughing. Many times, the coaches openly scoffed at a doctor’s advice. For example, when my kiddo was told by the Orthopedic doctor to wear Tiger Paws, a commonly used brace to support the wrists, the coaches rolled their eyes almost every time she went to get them on. One night a girl was trying to get a standing back tuck. She repeatedly tried it and landed right on her knees, over and over again, crying hard by the end. No one even asked if she needed a break. She landed on her knees, over and over, on a hard floor and no one really even paid attention.
The implicit message of all of these situations is that if you can’t handle this, you just aren’t tough enough to do competitive gymnastics. The harsh criticism, the hours and hours of practice, and the nearly constant bullying, yes, bullying, by some of the coaches are just accepted as a part of the sport. My daughter had some amazing, patient coaches too and for them I am truly grateful. We also had a very open line of communication. She told me a lot of the stuff that happened and I was able to tell her that I didn’t agree with what was going on. But at the same time, if she wanted to compete in the sport she loved, it was clear she would have to put up with this.
I often have to remind her that she was actually a very good gymnast because a lot of her memories are of the mean things the coaches said to her. She has a lot of good memories too and keeps in touch with her gym friends. I honestly don’t think she has any regrets about her time spent in the gym. Could I have changed anything by speaking up? Probably not. And therein lies a big part of the problem.
Your kid is loving the sport and wants to get better. You want what they want. It’s easy to get confused or just brush off your feelings because overall they seem to be having fun and progressing. One thing no parent wants to be is that crazy parent who is too invested in their kids’ sports. People brush off the mean comments, they tell you your kids need to be tough. Where do you go with that? My kid didn’t want to change gyms, and after forcing it one time, I felt we probably were at the best place for her. I think the most concerning thing is the fact that most gymnasts are given the message, not even subtly, that they have to brush off their emotions and ignore pain to succeed.
This week, Simone Biles said no. She knew it wouldn’t be easy. The minute she withdrew, the commentators were trying to read her lips and listen into the conversations. She will always get questions about this. She knew how shocking and controversial it would be and she still said no, I can’t do this today. As the parent of a former gymnast, I thank her and I am betting that she has given a tremendous gift to current and future gymnasts. The pressure, the coaching methods, the physical pain — they all need to be discussed openly and people need to listen to the gymnasts, not scoff at them and tell them to toughen up. Only when they are truly listened to, and their physical and mental needs are respected, will things permanently change for the better.
